Today I start a journey to put God first in my life. Why am I doing this? Let me share a little history. (I promise to keep this as short and sweet as possible)
I am a baptized Christian and accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior in 2007, I had new Christian syndrome. You know where you are dedicated and committed to following through with this fantastic idea that life is perfect and all you have to do is your part? This lasted about a 7 months, a year tops. Then I lost my grandfather and I snowballed into this state of rejection and anxiety. Fast forward two years, to a life as close to hell as I ever want to be. I was a depressed, anxious mess of a person. I was scared of myself, scared of my thoughts and dreaded the start of any day. Living with this while trying to put up a front of being the perfect wife and mother.
I had moments of clarity in which I knew exactly what I had to do to get myself out of this mess and put my life back on track the problem: This facade was exhausting and on a continuing spiral downward at a very fast pace. I had no energy and very little hope that I was to be anything more then in existence. Here I am 2014 and I have spent the last 6 months of my life with an ache and burning in my soul knowing that I was meant for more. I was meant for greatness, just like each and everyone of us.
I can no longer give in to the world that is trying so hard to tear me down and keep me broken. There is one key piece to my puzzle that I really left on the side lines and that friends is God. Even at my weakest, when I think back to all the times I was in my darkest times God always came to mind and he would pull me back. It was only my unwillingness to see it at the time that kept me on my mission to destroy myself.
So why then this mission to put God first? "Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death." (2 Corinthians 7:10) I want a life that holds meaning, I want to fulfill this ache that there is more than hopelessness and sorrow. I want others to see that if I can come out of the darkness that this world created inside me, so can you.
So I leave you with this.
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28)
Everyone in this world has a purpose. A plan for their life. I wasn't destined to remain a shell of a person. I was meant for much greater things. Things I am only barely beginning to see.
Until next time,
Corrina
