Grateful.....

Imagine yourself waking up in the morning, you through the covers off of you and stagger to bathroom. Caught off guard as you see the 10 lbs you put on over Christmas staring back at you in the mirror and so starts your morning. First things first, coffee your not surprised that this small task turned into total frustration after you spilled the grounds all over the floor dropped and broke your favorite coffee mug and burned your finger. Irritated and determined to get the kids up and out the door on time, you start yelling. They aren't moving fast enough, your mood feeds theirs and now kids are fighting and arguing because she was in the bathroom five minute longer than she supposed to be and little Jimmy needs to brush his teeth. The constant chatter in your ear about homework and after school football practice only frustrates you further because it only reminds you that the day will be extremely long.

Finally the kids are in the car your daughter puts in headphones and avoids all communication with you because the last thing she wants is to send you off the deep end. Your son begs and cry's for a DVD to be playing on your short 15 minutes drive. Because he to is a creature of habit and being that most mornings end up this way its always been easier for you to just distract him then listen to him. Finally the kids are off to school and you decide coffee made by someone else will taste better and you stop into the Starbucks on the corner. To add to your already frustrated mood you encounter a woman screaming at you and giving you what appears to be the middle finger as you inch your way into the drive-thru. You can't believe the nerve of some people you were clearly there first. So you decide the only thing to do is scream and send your finger flying.
On and on this day goes with this spinning cycle of attitude, irritation and high blood pressure.

Look familiar?

Frustration breeds frustration. irritability breeds irritability. Anxiety you guessed it breeds anxiety. Worry, worry. Sorrow, sorrow. Gratitude, gratitude and so on and so on. When we let even the smallest event trigger in us anything but gratitude we lose. The people around us lose. The day that I described above could have turned out entirely different.

You wake up and catch a glimpse of your beautiful self in the mirror, smile and laugh at the fact that you will be in the gym for the next  month working off those 10 extra pounds. You continue to make the coffee and when your favorite mug hits the floor rather than getting upset you remember the gift card you got for Christmas and decide its time to buy a new one anyway. Your still happy and wake your kids up with a smile which in turn makes for a smooth and easy morning of getting ready to walk out the door. Your kids actually want to talk to you because your happy and not frustrated. You spend your morning drive in conversation with your kids and as your son reminds you of how excited he is to find out the position he will be playing for his football team you share in his excitement and are grateful that he is healthy and active and can enjoy sports. Your youngest is happy in the backseat because he sees you happy and rather than get more frustrated when he throws his fit about the DVD player you encourage he sing the ABC's and you guessed it. You actually make it fun because your not focused on the upsetting events of the early morning. Now on to that coffee stop to indulge in some fresh brewed coffee so that you can move into your morning, afternoon transition with ease. And there she is out of the blue middle finger flying. You graciously smile and allow her to go first regardless the fact that you were clearly waiting in line. But because you are patient and happily going about your day, you see that this kind gesture will have little to no effect on your day but could in fact mean the world of difference in hers. To your surprise you get up to the window and are informed the car in front of you has paid for your order. and it all worked out, because your suddenly realize you forgot your wallet. And all is right in the world. 

Can you see the difference in these two stories. Each description had the exact same events only the outcomes were different. Why? Gratitude and attitude. The way we perceive things can change our day in the ways we are all searching for. The moral here is to find gratitude in EVERYTHING, no matter what situation comes your way. 

Today I will be starting a gratitude journal. I started by making this gratitude wheel.

 My goal is to list 5 things everyday that I am thankful for. It is time to retrain my brain to be grateful and positive in all things. Romans 8:28 says, And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
We hear all the time how important it is as Christians to think and live as Jesus did. Hence the popular saying, "What would Jesus Do?" I am willing to purposefully attempt to do jut that. Live and react like Jesus, with courage, patience and in an unselfish manner. 

Growth

If we are not growing on a continual basis what is it we are doing?

We are remaining stale.
We are check mated.
We are lost.

Growth is something we need in order to survive as a human. Our hearts change. Our soul searches. Mainly for answers that our head fights us on finding. But when we do, we know. I am growing. For several years I have had a tug of war continually fighting in my heart. My head convinces me that things are fine, plays tricks on me to keep me steering in the wrong direction. Yet my heart is on fire. Down to the pits of my stomach, I ache. I ask the question why?

Why do I feel this way?
What am I missing?

I am always pointed back into the direction of one thing. God.
My down fall is and always has been free will. Thankfully my saving grace is that God instills in our hearts from birth the desire to worship. We worship our parents, our friends, our idols and family. However these are all the wrong things to worship. The desire to worship is instilled for the purpose to continually seek God, to love him with all of our hearts. When we do this incredible things happen. I however have this taunting ability believing I am better off in control. This is a terrible trait. I say that I can trust, but I have such a hard time letting go. I am working on this and therefore, I am growing.

I fall more faithfully than I do most things in life. It is not the failures that God is keeping track of.  Lucky for us God desires our hearts. He desires our love. He is forgiving of all mistakes of all trials and hardships in instances that we have chosen to turn from him rather than to him. There are things that I constantly have to tell myself in order to remember that it is okay.

Stop thinking that you're not good enough.
Stop thinking that you have failed to many times.
You are enough.
You are capable of love.
It is okay to fail, trip and fall short.

Romans 3:23 For all have fallen short of the Glory of God.

In all my short comings and only after several failed attempts of trying to fix things on my own. I am always lead straight to him. Jesus Christ, God the Almighty and the Holy Spirit. For he is patient. Life has spun me, threw me and torn me to shreds. Is this the time I will look and seek Him and keep Him in my sight? I sure hope so  my heart could use the break of a constant beating. My mind could use the peacefulness that faith brings. My soul could use the serenity. For my sake I hope that my relationship blossoms. That I stop feeling like I have to do it all. That He is there to bare the cross for me. You see, I am growing. I am constantly changing. But I do know that even if I fall for the Millionth time. He will be right there waiting. For it is my heart He desires.

Stepping Out Of My Shell

Today I start a journey to put God first in my life. Why am I doing this? Let me share a little history. (I promise to keep this as short and sweet as possible)

I am a baptized Christian and accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior in 2007, I had new Christian syndrome. You know where you are dedicated and committed to following through with this fantastic idea that life is perfect and all you have to do is your part? This lasted about a 7 months, a year tops. Then I lost my grandfather and I snowballed into this state of rejection and anxiety. Fast forward two years, to a life as close to hell as I ever want to be.  I was a depressed, anxious mess of a person. I was scared of myself, scared of my thoughts and dreaded the start of any day. Living with this while trying to put up a front of being the perfect wife and mother.

I had moments of clarity in which I knew exactly what I had to do to get myself out of this mess and put my life back on track the problem: This facade was exhausting and on a continuing spiral downward at a very fast pace. I had no energy and very little hope that I was to be anything more then in existence. Here I am 2014 and I have spent the last 6 months of my life with an ache and burning in my soul knowing that I was meant for more. I was meant for greatness, just like each and everyone of us.

I can no longer give in to the world that is trying so hard to tear me down and keep me broken. There is one key piece to my puzzle that I really left on the side lines and that friends is God. Even at my weakest, when I think back to all the times I was in my darkest times God always came to mind and he would pull me back. It was only my unwillingness to see it at the time that kept me on my mission to destroy myself.

So why then this mission to put God first? "Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death." (2 Corinthians 7:10) I want a life that holds meaning, I want to fulfill this ache that there is more than hopelessness and sorrow. I want others to see that if I can come out of the darkness that this world created inside me, so can you.

So I leave you with this.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28)

Everyone in this world has a purpose. A plan for their life. I wasn't destined to remain a shell of a person. I was meant for much greater things. Things I am only barely beginning to see.

Until next time,

Corrina